Despair
by Liana Moonrays
Summary: Despair: to lose, give up, or be without hope  Currently a one-shot story


**Disclaimer: I do not claim any ownership of the characters from "Kaichou wa Maidsama!". I only claim the creative ownership of this particular plot bunny.**

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><p>"I WISH I NEVER KNEW YOU!"<p>

With those last desperate words, she ran away from him with tears streaming down her face. The tall blonde youth remained where he stood watching the back of the raven-haired maiden fade into the darkness. He took this as an omen that this person, this very special person, would soon disappear from his life forever. It took all his willpower not to run after her and tell her that all the words he just said moments ago were just lies.

_**Flashback**_

_He could see her face clearly in the darkness of the night due to the rays of the full moon shining down from the cloudless sky. He could read the despair and fear in her eyes, those beautiful golden eyes that he so much adores. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours but were only minutes when she finally broke the silence._

"_You are teasing me again, right? This is all a joke, right? Why did they announce an engagement between you and a stranger if this is not a complete and utter mistake? Did the announcer get the name wrong? Why are you standing there and not going to correct him?"_

_As all those questions quickly tumbled from her lips, she stood there panting frantically with one hand clutching the necklace around her neck and the other gripping the side of her silk dress as if the action would calm herself._

_He brought out all the strength that he had within him to speak with a calm and emotionless face, "The announcer is not wrong. It has been mutually decided that a nuptial arrangement between the Walker and the Shi family would be both financially and politically beneficial to both families. As it stands that Gerard has blatantly declined to take on this responsibility, it now rests on me to seal this arrangement. My family has determined that if I agree, my status as a Walker will be fully reinstated in power and name. I would return to England as one of the rightful heirs to the Walker estate."_

_She couldn't believe what she just heard, especially coming from HIS lips. _"_What are you saying? You never gave any indication that you wanted your family's name or power. You seemed so content with what you had…even with me."_

_Her head was spinning from complete confusion. "So, what about our **arrangement**? Was your proposal to me just another tease, another way to show how weak I am?"_

"_I apologize, Ayuzawa-san. It was a mistake." With those formal words spoken, he bowed before her._

"_Takumi…," she painfully whispered as she absorbed his hollow words._

_Her world was now shattered, and she could feel the desolation seeping through her heart as she heard his last words. It was a familiar feeling, and she immediately recognized why. It was the same feeling that she had when she realized her father abandoned his family. She glared at the man in front of her not seeing him but an image of her father. Her mind and body raged with hatred and disgust at what she thought she saw. She couldn't stand looking at him any more. She quickly turned away._

_He watched in agony at the result of his words, watched in torture as his precious beauty transformed into a dejected shell of her former self in a blink of an eye, and he wished with all his might that he wasn't the reason that caused this transformation. He heard each of her frantic words, and he knew he could not answer them honestly. Utter misery tore through his heart as he saw the disgust now in her eyes as she turned away from him._

_Silence. Then a slow and tormented laughter came from her mouth._

"_I cannot believe I have let myself feel this again. It took all my efforts to build those barriers that carefully guarded my heart against all men, just for the sole purpose of not feeling this pain again, but you broke through all my barriers so effortlessly. All your honeyed words and acts of devotion made me believe that you are different than all the males I've known. I thought you were the…" Her expression changed from anguish to despair as she whispered the last word,"…exception."_

_With each word she uttered was like a knife stabbing his heart over and over again. It took all his resolve to stand still and suffer the hurt without displaying any emotions._

_With an evil chuckle, "I should have known better. You are just like __**HIM**__, like my father. You take what you want and then just walk away not caring about the consequences or about the people you hurt in the process. All the times I called you stupid, it was I who was stupid for believing your lies. All the times I called you a perverted outer space alien, it was I who was the perverted outer space alien for learning to love a despicable person like you."_

_She jerked the chain of the necklace tearing it away from her neck and violently aimed the items in her hand towards Usui. He effortlessly caught it in his hand before it had the chance to impact his head. He felt the twinge of pain in his palm knowing if it would have hit its target, the sheer force would have injured any other normal person._

_Venomously she declared, "I hate you, Usui Takumi, from the bottom of my heart. I WISH I NEVER KNEW YOU!"_

_**End Flashback**_

His world was now shattered. He just remained standing there staring at the area of darkness where his beloved was standing moments ago. Then he looked down and slowly opened the hand that caught the necklace that she threw. Teardrops began to drop on the items held in his hand, making them shimmer brightly in the moonlight. It was then that he realized he was crying, an action that he hadn't done in many years. There were no sobs but just wet tears trickling down his cheeks into the palm of his open hand. He brought his hand to his lips and kissed the heart-shaped pendant that he had placed around her slender neck that fateful day and then kissed the emerald gem of the engagement ring that he happily gave her only a few weeks ago. He felt the coldness of each item as well as tasted the salt from his tears. Those memories, those precious memories replayed so vividly in his mind. They were now a torment to him. A torment of future memories they had promised to make together…memories that will never be.

He had to keep reminding himself the purpose of his actions, but it did not make the pain lessen. He understood that he clearly broke his promise to be by her side, but he knew that this was for the best…for the greater good. He knew he had laid down his happiness…no…their happiness for the sake of her safety…even her future. Even though he could only hope that she would one day forgive him, he accepted that it may never be.

The wind began to rustle carrying these last words into the night, "I love you, Ayuzawa Misaki, from the bottom of my heart. I wish to always remember you."

As he placed the precious items in his pocket and turned to walk away, he knew that he must now find a way to endure, find the resolve to carry with him forever this…despair.

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><p><strong>Completion Date: 0419/2011**

**A/N: I was surprised to come across this particular story recently as I did not realize that I wrote it long ago even before "Precious Moments". So technically, this was my first fanfiction. As I began to read this story, the overall story arc seems to have escaped me, but the emotional poignancy of the first chapter as well as my current frame of mind screamed for me to share with my fellow readers. I will leave this as a one-shot for now unless I find enough interest to continue this story arc, but please give me any feedback that the readers deem worthy to impart to me. Be gentle with your critiques as this was written so long ago that I do not even remember when I started it. As I felt the need to post this immediately, I only had enough time to briefly proofread and re-edit this final edition.**

**I believe I have chased this rabbit (plot bunny, or whatever else you wish to call it) for far too long so I must now return my attention to the struggling chapter 8 of "Precious Moments before Dawn". I think I have taken a long enough sabbatical from that story. I can only pray that an update on that story will be iminent.**


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